“Thoughts of a Saint 1”

I have always been a passionate, go-getter, and goal-oriented kind of person. That’s just my personality. And like everyone else, my heart was set on wealth and prosperity. Having experienced real poverty while living in Africa, I did not want to ever have to worry about money ever again!

After I became a born again Christian, my personality didn’t change. But my heart did. It now wanted different things. When attending school, my number one motivation was prosperity and wealth. But now those things weren’t as important to me as they use to, this became quite a problem honestly. If your greatest motivation falls away, how are you suppose to go on?

Surely I am not saying that prosperity and wealth is the only reason to go to school. But it was mine. The amazing thing about our generation is that you don’t even need a high degree to make some good money, which added to my lack of motivation to finish school.

So, I decided to point all that passion towards growing in my Christian faith, which was/is great! I experienced huge growth in a short time. But the negative part of that was that at certain times my purpose would change. Weird right?

Well, what I mean by that is that I would start with the goal to get closer to God, and simply grow in my faith, but it would end up with me working for my salvation. Which goes against the principle of grace. The Bible teaches that Christ has already done everything for us. So, there is no way I can work myself to salvation because I already have it through faith in Christ, which is a whole different topic in general.

After becoming a born again Christian, my life became so much easier. I didn’t have to continue to impress others or feel like I have to do ’big’ things to make a name for myself, the pressure of the world had lost most of its power. Though I still struggle with it now and then.

Knowing that God loves me and values me no matter what, took a great part of my hunger to make a name for myself away, which I am grateful for. But at the same time, has placed me in a situation where I don’t know what to do with a certain part of myself anymore. Whenever it arises in me, it ends up leading to works, for the right reasons at the beginning, but never ends well.

I want to live a life that reflects Jesus Christ in all my ways. Glorifying Him in all I do and praising Him always. That’s my goal today and forever. But this is not a goal that can be achieved with some motivational speech, or that gives you some steps that will get you there. There is no formula for it.

Why doesn’t this goal/dream, feel the same as the kind of dreams I use to have when I wasn’t a Christian? Why does it seems like I can’t go about a godly dream the same way as a worldly dream?

I read a book not so long ago, that helped me to grasp this a little.

Even our desire to submit to God, a good desire indeed, would have to be stimulated by God himself.

Book: searching for God knows what

This quote thought me that the Holy Spirit can help us redefine our dreams/goals in life, from a self-centered one to a more Christ-centered one.

Just because I now have a Christ-centered dream doesn’t mean it’s something “I” will make happen. Which I used to believe compared to my worldly dream. So, even though I now want to live a life that’s God-oriented, I can’t do it with my strength. It has to be stimulated by God himself.

This is one of my greatest struggles, being a girl who was forced to grow up from the age of 10, not having anyone to lean on, having to do everything on my own, this is quite a hard thing to accept and surrender to. Though I must say it’s getting better by the day.

As we give Christ everything, our false redemption in the things of the world, our false idea of who God is, all our trust in something other than God to redeem us. We die to our broken natures in exchange for His perfect nature.

Book: searching for God knows what

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