I have been putting off writing this post for almost 2 months now, simply because I didn’t really know how to. But I have decided to give it a try.
For almost two months now, I have been going through some rough times, to be more accurate, it has been one of the worst times in my life.
As some of you know, I have had a very rough past, filled with different forms of abuse. But God took me out of that place and brought me into His love, peace, and Joy. I created this blog to speak and teach on the things God brought me threw, and what He is doing in my life right now, with the hope to encourage anyone who might be going through what I went/am going through.
Though I was willing to speak and teach about my past, I had never given myself the time to process any of it. Well, better said, I never got the chance to process it because I had to fight to survive every day. Six years later, I have found the rest, stability, love, and joy my mind and heart were waiting for.
Deep-rooted anger, pain, sorrow, and hopelessness have risen to the surface of my heart. In the past six years, I have been dealing with nightmares, panic attacks, hyperventilation, and most recently outburst of tears. So, my body and mind have definitely been asking for my attention. But I never listened long enough to do something about it. Now that I am no longer on survival mode, I hear it loud and clear. And I have decided to listen, before it becomes any bigger.
Being filled with these negative emotions has been a painful experience. It is making me question my identity, the future, the world, God, … simply put, I feel extremely lost. So, unfortunately in this season of my life, my days exist of fighting feelings of depression, and hopelessness, a fight to remember my heart of its Salvation, redemption, and hope in Christ.
You might have noticed something in these words of mine… If you read carefully you will see that this isn’t a time I should be experiencing hopelessness, it should be quite the opposite! God took me from an abusive past, brought me into His love, peace, and joy. As if that wasn’t enough, through his grace He brought me to a place of rest and stability, which is the reason I can now process my painful past… But my mind doesn’t know how to make sense of that. But I know my God is patient and loyal to his work in me as His Child. He will not only see me through all of this but also make sure I come out of it shining brightly!
So… well… yea, that is what is going on right now guys. Honestly, I don’t know when my next blog post will be. I am thinking about giving a monthly update on how things are going, but I am not sure yet.
Let me know in the comment below if you would-be interested in the monthly updates, or if you can’t comment, you can send me mail through the contact forum.