Our Marriage story: “Why we didn’t want to get married”

In one of our conversations, my now-husband, boyfriend at the time, told me how he did not want to get married because he feels like it has no meaning. He believed it to be nothing but a paper.

He had observed married couples around him and noticed that the vows made by the couple during their wedding almost immediately went out the window shortly after. Their relationship gets harder and harder. One conflict comes after another. Slowly but surely, the love that made them want to get married starts to disappear into nothingness.

I understood him completely because that was something that I had noticed as well. After the wedding, the couples seemed to stop working on their relationship. The husband stops trying to impress his wife, and the wife stops making effort to look drop-dead beautiful for her husband. And family members start mingling in the relationship. Each of these brings their set of problems to the marriage.

Research has found the most common reasons people give for their divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse.  Many of the common reasons people give for their divorce can fall under the umbrella of no longer being in love.  


As for me, marriage was a covenant between a master and a slave. A man who once loved his woman receives the right to rule over her. Along the way, he starts taking her for granted, and slowly but surely starts abusing, dehumanizing, and trampling on her. She bears all of it in the hope that the loving man she once knew will reappear. But as time goes on, she starts desiring divorce, but can’t do such a thing because it humiliates the family. So, she lives a miserable life with a man she once loved.

“Even when a woman’s life is at stake, there is strong cultural pressure to ‘keep the family together’ and preserve the family at all costs.”


Most of the couples we observed were Africans, simply because they were in our immediate surroundings. As for me, my view came mostly from my father’s marriages and the stories of my friends and their families.

So, why did we decide to get married anyway? That is what the next post is all about.

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