We know that the world has its ways, which often is a twisted version of God’s way. So, we decided that we needed to learn what God made marriage to be. And unlearn our own believes about it.
After giving it some thought, we decided to ask our pastor and his wife for help in a form of premarriage counseling. We were quite hesitant to take this step because our past leaders did a horrible job at it. But this decision ended up being a great help to our relationship.
During the counseling, we spoke about marriage as God intended it to be, through a book from Timothy Keller ‘The meaning of marriage.’ It is a book that helped us a lot in our search for the truth around marriage.
One of the things that stood out to me from the book was the idea that a friendship relationship should be the fundamental relationship of marriage. Marriage without friendship tends to make the partners look at each other, seeking fulfillment, joy, and love from each other. Friends tend to stand side to side, looking at the same thing (same interest), which in marriage should be God.
“Friendship is a deep oneness that develops as two people speaking the truth in love to each other, journey together to the same horizon (God)”Book “The meaning of marriage” by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller
One of the things that stood out for my husband is the idea that in a marriage relationship, we are made most Christlike. For someone who believed marriage to be nothing but a paper, this idea gave him the importance it lacked.
“Spiritual friendship is the greatest friendship of all because the horizon is so high and far, and jet sure. It is nothing less than the day of Jesus Christ, and what we will be like when we finally see him face to face.”Book “The meaning of marriage” by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller
Besides reading the book, we also had conversations about communication, money, children, sex, etc… Though we knew quite a bit about each other, the conversations helped us get to know each other even better.
We feel very grateful to our spiritual leaders for being so kind, patient, and loving through it all.
The next part is all about the things we learned as we were preparing for the wedding, and boy did we learn!